There was a man with tongue of wood

We come with strongly held but divergent points of view. Although we both have right on our sides, we often fail to see the merits of the opposing view. Nonetheless, we remain focused on a favorable outcome, recruiting allies, using available means of communication to push our agenda. We are strong and tough, and winning is not the most important thing—it is the only thing.
Now, tell me: am I describing a social media thread, an American election campaign, the latest hostilities in the Mideast, or your last business meeting?
As I have watched the latest round of violence unfold in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, it occurred to me how symbolic it is of human failure to communicate and cooperate in a wide range of settings. Both the Israelis and the Palestinians have strong emotional and historical ties to the land they are disputing. That these ties are in part based upon different religions makes their claims both more emotional and more central to their identities as individuals and as peoples.
It is also clear that if they found a way to cooperate and live in peace, the political boundaries they are fighting about would become less and less important over time, as economic ties and networks, social networks and business relationships supplanted political and religious stands in the importance of individuals and groups.
What is lacking in their relations, what is so important to our own, in business and personal relationships are these:
1. Even when we disagree we need to find ways to move the process towards the ultimate goal of agreement. By continuing to build Jewish settlements in the West Bank, by continuing to lob rockets and build tunnels under the Israeli border, both the Netanyahu government and Hamas are failing to move in the right direction.
2. We need to recognize that the other’s point of view has merit. If the Israelis and Palestinians really recognized that fact, it would be much harder for either to inflict violence, violence that they currently seem quite eager to inflict.
3. We need to recognize the humanity of the person facing us—dreams, disappointments, joys, sorrows, challenges, all of it. It might be an individual or a nation, but our opponent brings human needs to the encounter, and those needs have to be recognized for a negotiation to move forward.
4. We need to carefully listen if we are to accomplish these goals, to determine the way forward, to hear the part of the opponent’s view that has merit, and ultimately to hear the humanity of our opponent.
5. Only then can we reach out with a win-win solution, which is the only kind of solution that works in business.
We cannot solve the problem of war in the Middle East, but we can all do a better job in our personal and business relationships—especially if we wish to avoid the poor example set for us by Netanyahu and Hamas.